I’ve been with my bf for about 1.5 yrs and we have been living 2gether for about 1 yr. He sends me mixed signals about wanting to get married. He tells me that he wants 2 get married one day, but if I ask *when* he wants to get married, he ALWAYS claims “we do not have the money 2 get married right now” & doesn’t want to discuss it. I just turned 26 and am not getting any younger and I want 2 get married and start a family soon. He recently bought me a ring that I really wanted, but says he wants to get me a “more expensive” engagement ring when we get engaged. The ring he got me was the ring I wanted as an engagement ring. I mentioned that, & that I don’t want an expensive wedding, but he seemed to ignore it. What should I do? I’ve tried to tell him that my family would help with the expenses but he just gets all distant and cold when I try to talk about then when’s and the where’s of it all. Does this mean he really is not sure that he wants 2 marry me? What should I do? HELP
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he may be sure that he wants to marry you since he has mentioned it before but sometimes guys take a really long time to get really serious. i know your older and he shouldnt be playing games and i doubt he is but he may get scared when he thinks about the serious commitment that marriage brings. give it another 6 months, maybe at the 2 year mark things will change, if not, mention it to him. tell him you really want to start a family and if hes not going to be the one you start it with then he cant waste your time anymore. good luck, im sure everything will work out.
Chill Time will tell.
You’ve only been with the guy for a year and a half.
Even though you think you know him really well, in all actuality you don’t.
Marriage is quiet the commitment to make with someone, and a lot of dedication and work.
Apparently, your goal is to reproduce. And his is making sure you two are financially prepared.
If you guys had been together for 5 years, then I’d be more supportive of your decision.
But 1 1/2 years isn’t all that long to know someone to make a decision to have kids with them.
Did that make sense?
Maybe it isn’t a money thing with him. Maybe he is just afraid or not ready to make the big commitment of marriage…at least to you anyway. If marriage means that much to you, then tell him you want marriage by such and such time…then see how he responds. Either he will or he won’t, but I’d be awfully concerned about coercing a guy into marriage like that. he could end up resenting you and being married.
You anwered your own question within the question itself. If it comes down to marriage, what he “wants out of your relationship” is “out of the relationship.” It’s clear that he enjoys the benefits, but doesn’t want to be committed to you. Don’t you think you moved in together kind of quick? Six months worth of dating isn’t all that long. He’s still taking you for a test drive.
Marriage is not an easy thing…pls stop pushing ur bf into this..and try to live seperately..sorry to say..that since u r not married but think u both must have enjoyed everthing as a married couple ..so ur freind actually need to know the importance of you and the your love….seems lil raw statement but the fact remains the same…ol the best……..
It sounds like he wants the same thing you do, just not on your schedule. He may even be trying to plan a romantic proposal. Give him 6 months into the new year w/o asking the when’s & where’s. Then if there’s no mention of a proposal or discussion of a time & place, you might need to move on.
I think u should just chill out for a good while. dont talk about marriage for a few weeks or maybe a couple of months. U mentioning it to him might be making things worse, ur being a ******. And besides if u get married it should be cause he wants to not cause u push him too. Give it a while and if he doesn’t say anything then gently bring it up and ask nicely ’so do u want to get married to me and please tell me the truth?’ see what he says and don’t ask to many questions let him do the talking. But if he gives u a short answer like yes but i don’t have the money too just keep urself cool and say well u say u do but u know i don’t care for an expensive wedding yet it seems u use this as an excuse i just would like to know the truth, u can tell me whats wrong?” if he doesn’t say anything don’t push it. leave it alone, walk away or go spend some time alone, cool down. Then try to talk to him some other time but honey if he says the same thing then it time for u to make a decision wait or give up? what do u want? is he really what u want? is he really good for u? etc….
Your original question was “What does he wants out of our relationship?…Maybe he already have all he wanted from it and don’t feel a paper will make a difference. In his heart he is already married. But wait and she how things will develop, I wouldn’t push the issue if I were you….He has been with you with out the ultimate commitment (marriage vows) and he have been loyal and true to you! Why change it?
We women always have that second sense. We try to ignore the warning signs and hope that someone will tell us other wise. He does not want to marry but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. This is call having your cake and eating it too. It is time to stop beating around the bush. What about going to the Justice of the Peace and getting married and having a big reception. I see many people are doing this. Ask him what his intentions are about getting married. Sit down and do a budget with him if this is the “real” problem. You would have the actual cost of your wedding broken down to how it going to be paid. If this doesn’t help then make a decision in your life, sorry to say this, but without the man who wouldn’t marry U. Stay Blessed.
Dude doesn’t want to get married and hes afraid to say it. Now, you have to give him an ultimatum. Serious plans by Valentine’s Day or I’m out. And you have to stick to it.
Sounds complicated. Is it just a ring issue? 1.5 years 6 months already moved in I think that’s part of the issue and you gave away the most precious thing your Va@#$*. That in it self is worth 10 times more than a ring. Well I don’t mean to be so judge mental just slow your roll put it in cruise control don’t nag maybe he will come around.
Whats the rush to get married? You don’t have to have a piece of paper to be in love and happy. You also don’t have to be married to be commited to someone. If that was the case there wouldn’t be so many divorces in the US. A year and a half in not a long time at all so stop rushing things because it’s obvious he’s not ready. If it’s a problem than maybe you should move on.
It just means that the idea of marriage scares the hell out of him and that he takes it seriously. The two major things that couples fight about more often are sex and money. He is scared of the money issue already, and he probably feels like giving in for a cheap wedding would be you selling out. He wants to give you what you want, but you need to get the point across to him that HE is what you want. Not a wedding. Also, be careful because most of the women I have heard talk about being a certain age and “not getting any younger” want to get married more out of desperation and expectation than truly finding a suitable partner.
All I can say is, he is giving you the best that he has, and if this is his best, it will only get worse after you finally do get him to marry you. A man who truly loves a woman will move mountains to get a commitment with her. He bought you a ring so that you won’t leave him for someone else and so other men will stay away, but he won’t call it an engagement ring. Do you see how he’s playing you? I’d tell him that you want to send this little high school “promise ring” back to the store and you’ll be moving out and won’t be back till your last names are the same. That MIGHT motivate him, but more than likely, he will simply move on with someone else, which is precisely what you need to do. Next time, don’t become a wife until you’re really a wife. Don’t ever live with a guy. They’ll never marry you. There is no motivation to.
Before you keep pushing for the end of your relationship make sure that is what you want. Once you both say “I do” your loving relationship is over. Some people realize this in weeks after they say “I do” and get divorced others lie to themselves for years. If you are happy leave it alone. Take an honest look at all the married couples you know including your parents. Are any of them still “in love”. It happens to everyone even soul mates when they get married. Your love is not an exception no matter how special you think it is!!! Maybe deep down he knows this and doesn’t want to ruin what you both have!!!
Maybe he doesnt really know what ring you want, try to reassure him that you don’t mind about the size of the ring etc.
It could also mean that he just wants some time to himself to understand what is going on.
In his own time, he will come to tell you what is on his mind. Failing that, you could gather your family and his family to talk about ‘the ring’. Make a decision about it et voila.
Hope it works out well for you, bella.
He likes things just the way they are. He doesn’t have to commit to a marriage/kids and he can leave anytime he wants to, without any problems. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it only means that he isn’t ready for that kind of commitment.
He’s definitely having a problem with it, but I wouldn’t assume that you are the problem, except for your persistence. He’s bound to feel that you’re pressuring him. Maybe he’s just not sure about marriage. He’s comfortable with the way things are and scared that marriage would change things. It’s obvious that he cares enough to try and please you and IMO he’s tolerating the pressure you are putting on him extremely well so far. Not sure that I’d be pushing so hard tho.
i believe he does want to marry you but just want you guys to just wait a while….he seems like a nice guy.