Neither my parents, nor the parents of my fiance have much money. My sister just got married 6 months ago so I know my parents can only do so much. My fiance and I are paying for most things. His parents never mentioned what or if they were doing anything to help. Finally, my fiance asked them what they were planning on and all they said was the rehearsal dinner. They told us they were having it at there house and cooking themselves. That is nice, not my first choice, but I went with it. However, they never asked if it was okay or what we preferred. Trouble is, their home is 1/2 an hour from the church (where we are having rehearsal) and most of the wedding party is already driving 1/2 an hour there from the opposite direction. So some people will be traveling an hour and a half all together. I think it’s too much to ask since we can avoid it. My fiance informs me that his parents are prob just trying to save money. I just don’t find it very fair since it’s the only way they are helping out. What should we do?
FYI: We have been engaged for 5 months and getting married in September.
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Your wedding party pretty much expects that Friday night to be taken up by you anyway. Big picture: between all of the rehearsal and wedding day activities, they will be spending about 21 hours on you that weekend. The nominal extra drive time is a pittance in all of the time your friends and family are spending on you that weekend.
A half hour drive from the church is not that outrageous. A lot of people drive 30 minutes each way just to go to the mall.
They will be at your future in-law’s home for several hours….and it will be a lot more relaxing and fun than some stuffy restaurant. I’ve been to rehearsal dinners at homes and at restaurants. The ones at restaurants were miserable. The service was always crap, the rooms were noisy, you couldn’t move around to talk to other people, etc. The rehearsal dinners that I’ve attended at people’s homes were a lot more relaxed and fun because you could get food when you wanted it, you could move around and talk to different people, it wasn’t incredibly noisy and crowded, etc.
Let it go. Lose the attitude.
The groom’s parents pay for the rehersal dinner.
The grooms parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner. If that is all they can afford you cant blame them. As far as the wedding party they will not mind where they have to drive or where they go to eat. They are doing this for you and ur husband to be not for the free food and open bar. I know my mother is paying for the rehearsal dinner and where going to a pizza place. I know my mother cant afford a lot being a single mother so that is why we chose pizza.. Don’t worry about the rehearsal dinner and enjoy …
If they are paying for it, you need to let them do something in their budget. Yes, you are the bride but if they are paying, they should be allowed to choose. For our rehearsal dinner, my FI’s parents went with us to a couple restaurants and we left it up to them to choose their favorite. If they’re willing to pay, they should have a say. They can’t be expected to have it somewhere not affordable to them.
The days of the brides parents should pay for this and the grooms parents for that aren’t very applicable anymore, there is a wide variety depending on financial and family situations
could you have the rehearsal dinner at the church in like the banquet hall . and his parents could just bring the food there. maybe
The groom’s parents take care of the rehearsal. 30 minutes isn’t too far to drive. If someone doesn’t want the free meal after the rehearsal then they don’t have to come. It’s not his parents fault that your parents spent their money on your sister’s wedding and don’t have much left for yours.
Traditionally the grooms parents only pay for the rehearsal dinner. You may see it as an inconvenience for people, but this may be all his parents can afford to contribute. As always, people have the choice of whether or not they are going to go to the rehearsal dinner. A 1/2 hour isn’t that big of a deal for most people. I wouldn’t risk hurting his parents feelings over it, you don’t want to put them in an awkward position of having to admit to their son and FDIL that this is all they can afford. Just be appreciative that they are offering to pay for the dinner!
Honey his parents are not responsible for helping out with the wedding. Today many couples pay for things themselves but by tradition the wedding and reception is on the bride’s family.
The groom’s family is responsible for the rehersal dinner. It can be what ever THEY want it to be, not what you would choose or what you expect. You already said they were pinched for money. Who isn’t today? Give them a break and try being grateful for what they are doing. They don’t have to do anything to help out with the wedding. You just need to scale things back a bit.
You really have 3 options…
1. Leave it as it stands. Let your soon to be In-laws throw the party for you at their house. Give your bridal party (and anyone else you invite) a heads up and if they don’t come then you can’t force them.
2. Suggest to your soon to be in-laws that it seems kind-of far and see if there is somewhere else that is closer to the church that you can have it.
3. You can tell them thank you but you would really like to have it closer to the church and you and your fiance are going to pay for it. If they want to help out with the cost they can.
I think they should have asked for your opinions however this is the part they said they would take care of. Please don’t take this as me being mean because that’s not how it’s intended. If could be worse though, they could have told you the week before they couldn’t have it at all.
If that is what they can do then let them do it. Now is not the time to start a rift with the future in laws. YOU think its too much to ask and really this one small thing is irrelevant to the rest of the festivities. If this is what they are doing then how, as you mentioned, can it be avoided? If you pay for ot? Beggars can’t be choosers. You sound like a spoiled brat-’ I don’t think its fair…’. Be grateful for what they can do and please show your appreciations. If you do not like it and can’t afford to do it on your own than smile and take it like a grown up!
Does the church have a social hall there? Can his parents bring the food they have prepared to the church hall, and serve it there? Discuss the situation with his parents . . . and ask the parents if they would be willing to do this.
Or is your home close to the church? Could parents serve the food there?
Your only other option? You and your fiance pay for the rehearsal dinner yourselves.
If two people are mature enough to wed, they are mature enough to pay for their own wedding. If parents offer to assist, one has the option of gratefully accepting their offer . . . or the option of politely declining. One does not get to tell the parents how to assist (such as suggesting a restaurant near the church) . . . or how much money to give you.
But asking if the food they prepare could be served at the church? I think that would be okay.
That is technically all they are obligated to do. Be happy with what you have.
Some in-laws do nothing.
EDIT: BTB 5 -2-10 What year was that wedding planning book edited in 1959??
traditionally – groom & his family:
brides rings
gift to bride
gifts to attendants
lodging for out of town guests
marriage certificate
post-rehearsal celebration (rehearsal dinner)
rehearsal
share of groomsmen expenses*
boutonnieres
bride’s bouquet
grooms attire and accessories
groomsmen’s accessories*
mothers’ corsages
officiant’s fee
honeymoon entertainment
honeymoon gratuities
groom’s luggage
groom’s honeymoon wardrobe
lodging and meals
transportation
*optional
but in real life it’s all optional – if they can and want to help great but now whoever can pay should cover what they can
see if you can find an inexpensive place near the church
or if they’ll let you use a room in the church and they can just bring the prepaired food there (this would be my choice)