What does anyone think of this? I have been divorced for 5 years now. However my extended family finds it to be okay to invite my ex-wife to family functions such as Holiday get-together’s and now my cousins wedding and reception this Saturday. I honestly don’t personally have a problem with it for my attachments to her have long ago been detatched, but my ex-girlfriend thought it was wierd and didn’t like it when they did that; I guess I can see her issue with it for it would probably bother me if the situation were reversed. But is it wierd that my family invites her? We did have one child together but should that matter? What are your thoughts?
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It would make me feel weird as well but there are lots of families out there that do that sort of thing. Reassure your new love that you have no feelings of your ex except for the fact that she is the mother of your children. She will eventually get use to it. If not explain this to your family and tell them that it makes your new love very uncomfortable and you suggest that they see her on other occasions rather then family get togethers because you will not show up if she is there.
No it is not normal in my opinion. However have you talked to your family members about this? And as far as your ex-wife she must not have moved on with her life or she is dysfunctional because I am divorced and if the kids want to mingle with the other side of the family tree it is fine and I drop them off and pick them up and I spend time with my new family
:) And it also will make your new lady feel like your family favour the ex more than her.
well
At first I thought it was abnormal but when I entered my Husband’s Family, I noticed that they very much keep in touch with the ex’s and even invite them over to their houses but except on Holidays because they feel that it should only be kept amongst current members. But, the reason for keeping in touch is because those Ex’s had children with one of their relatives. So basically they keep it civil and connected for that reason only. I guess they figure if they are nice and pleasant to the parent, they will see their relatives more often. On the other hand, I think it’s wrong to invite them to Holiday functions because that she be kept amongst immediate family and could cause the “New One” to feel uncomfortable, jealous and hurt which is completely understandable.
they must be very close or they want to make sure that they get to see and include the grandchild. they don’t want him or her to forget them. If it bothers you so much talk to them about it and tell them that it makes you feel uncomfortable and also the girl that you are with. Maybe they can think of some ways to get together somewhere with out you and your girlfriend being there too. I think it would make me feel kind of awkward too, how old is your child? It might confuse him/her like why is daddy with this other woman when he was with mommy?
I think you should both be commended for being grown up enough to still get along. My husbands ex has been here to pick up the kids over the years, and we’ve gone to Karaoke together, had BB Q’s etc.
I can’t say that we are good friends because she is very different, so I cannot trust her. I’m not going to put her down or judge her just because she was his ex.
We choose not to fight (as in keep grudges) and be bitter for the sake of the kids and rest of the family. We have had a few arguments, but patched it up and basically just try to talk it out.
Oh and her new hubby is friends with us now as well. Some people don’t understand it and do call it weird, but who cares?
What is most important in life is what’s in YOUR heart, not everyone else’s that tries to judge you. It’s always better and less stressful to get along than to waste good energy fighting all the time.
And as for inlaws, all of ours still accept both of them into their family. We all get together for Christmas. The CHILDREN benefit from it. The ADULTS are the ones with the problems.
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While your feelings for her may be dtached, some of your family may still have connections with your ex-wife, depending maybe on how long you were married to her, but also because of your kid. If your kid is going to “family get-togethers” it might be important to him that his whole “family” be there.
I understand having a child together this means you’ll have to communicate with your ex wife but at the same time if a family event is coming up and your family knows you will be bringing a girlfriend along I think this is when they should have some consideration to her feelings and not include your ex in the event. I’m sure if they think about it it’s just as awkward for your ex wife as well.
I don’ t think it weird at all if everyone is comfortable with it. I actually think it is great for your child that you have together. If you are serious about this girlfriend however, I would consider her feelings on the matter and maybe not put her in uncomfortable spots. Perhaps she can arrange some family get togethers at your home in which it does not include the X. I can see how she would be uncomfortable about this. It would be kind of touchy if you speak to your family about this issue b/c they apparently like your X. It might even put your girlfriend in a negative light if she stirs things up. This is a very touchy subject and I am afraid there is no perfect answer. Try talking to your GF and be sensitive to her feelings. Try to make her understand that this is actually a very healthy thing for your child. If it is too difficult for her I would not push it on her. I would also try to talk to your X and explain the situation. Perhaps she will be happy to decline a get together or two. A comprimise may even be made. I would most def. leave the family out of this one though. It isn’t their problem and the issue will only magnify if you address it with the entire family.
sounds like your family is very open-minded and caring. even though you have emotionally detached from your ex, you still share one common bond–your child! your child is still very much a part of your family and also the child’s mother! the differences between you and your ex are between you two alone! your family welcomed her and grew to care for her and may feel like she is still a part of!! i don’t think it is weird at all–i think you have been blessed by a very loving and caring family!
IT IS CALLED BEING FUNCTIONING PARENTS. WE HAVE PARTIES WITH EXS AND NEW ALIKE. IT IS CALLED “BEING MATURE”. IT IS HEALTHY, NO MATTER WHAT 1/2 THESE PEOPLE TELL YOU.
You do have a child together… it may be that they invite her due to the child… and yes it is a bit odd…. I don’t think I would care for it.
It is cool for them to invite her .The new girl needs to just let go of her insecurities.
They apparently like her better than they like you, and believe you should still be together.
When we divorce a spouse do we have to divorce the who;e family? I have a great relationship with my ex father inlaw, we have become great friends and I am always invited to family get togethers, holidays and such, my ex is also welcome at my family’s gatherings. We divorced each other not the entire family.
As a matter of fact if I ever marry again I want my ex to give me away. ( wont that be fun?)
Your ex is no longer part of the family. Explain it to them that it ruins your present relationships. I’d not show up to the family functions where my ex is invited.
good
Well I guess if your relationship with your ex is ok, then go for it. I personally would think it would be a little awkward for any current girlfriend. I have an ex husband and I don’t think that any of my family members would invite him to any family functions. Of course I don’t get along with my ex at all.
How long had you two been married? You don’t need to answer that, but it’s something to think about. If it had been a long marriage, then maybe your family is having trouble cutting the ties or doesn’t want to, especially if she has custody of the child. I think it’d odd, though, that they still invite her to everything and involve her so much.
it does seem kind of odd. Personally, I’d prolly have a problem with it too. Is your ex-wife on really good terms with your family? How long were you two together? It could be that 1) your child could be asking everyone to include his/her mommy in family events so he or she will have both parents there, or 2) you two were together soo long that it seems odd not to have her around. have you asked your family why they keep inviting her even though you two haven’t been together in so long?
Well!Look at it this way.If you are going out with new gals,and they know that u are a divorcee, they are already a little bit nervous, rather,insecure already. So if your family still call her on the home occasions,that can naturally turn your girlfriend on guard.So if u are seriously interested in a new relationship then try and tell ur family to keep her a little bit away from u and ur new f.
May be she is invited because u have a child. anyway u r correct that it is not good to invite her
What’s so abnormal about it? U have to remember that your ex was once part of the family and your family members are still treating her as one, if not a good friend and I would have to say that u have a wonderful family for not holding a grudge on her. Your ex girlfriend on the other hand, has an issue about it because it probably made her feel insecure and uncomfortable when in your ex wife’s presence.
I think it’s a little unreasonable when people get married and involve their spouse in the family and then they form bonds, develop loving relationships, share special times (holidays) and function as a family– only to ban them from the family when the marriage ends. If she is the mother of your child, there’s no reason why she and the child should be cast aside. I wouldn’t expect everyone in the family to “disown” her just because the marriage failed.
I don’t think it’s weird.
maybe ur familly want ur kid to have a family thats why they r keep inviting ur ex…
Because you have a child, you are bound to this woman for life. Your family may be extending a hand as a way to keep things easier for the child, which is commendable. Or they may simply be friends with your ex. If everyone keeps things civil, and there are no hard feelings on your part, then the new girlfriend needs to follow that example.
It is unusual, and if I was in your g/f’s shoes I would probably feel it was weird at first – but I think I would get over it very quickly: obviously, the situation is amicable, and no one is causing trouble. I am not a believer in burning bridges, myself. I’m newly married, but still talk to my former spouse, we’re on good terms.
Of course that matters. Especially when a child is involved. You apparently don’t care about your child.
no wrong.
a lttle my ex wife had too always bee n touch because of our son!
its nothing wrong about it.