So first of all, my parents are paying for the *entire* wedding. So I’m very aware that means they get a lot more say in who they want to invite.
My list is 45 people (that includes all family and extended family as well as the close family friends that I feel I know well and would like to be there)
His list (without his parents) is at 35.
We would really like to keep it as small as possible, but my mom’s first draft list was 200 and included the headmaster of my junior high school, as well as the entire congregation of the church I haven’t attended in 15 years.
She has no intention of inviting that many people that I don’t know at all/don’t know very well (twice the amount of my fiance and me combined). But what would be a good guideline for me to give her. Since they’re paying, I’m very sensitive that they should be able to have a lot of input, but on the flip side these are all people that I hardly/never have spoken to. I’d rather not have my wedding made up of strangers.
Stumble Upon
Del.icio.us
Buzz
I don’t think just because your parents are paying they should have too much say. It all comes down to you and your other half- its your day. You will have enough going though your mind you don’t need to be worring about the guests. I was running into that same problem so we decided our parents could invite people we both knew. Anyone who isn’t close enough to you to know the other person doesn’t really need to be there. if they don’t know my man then we aren’t close enough to spend that kind of money. Just a thought. Good luck and Congrats!
sit here down and tell her how much you appreciate her paying. Then tell her that you would feel more comfortable with a fairly small wedding, and that you would only like people there that are very close to you and your fiance, and very good friends with your parents. Explain to her how awkward if would be to be going around chatting with your guests when some of them you really were never close to and haven’t seen for 15 years. You would only be able to say ‘thanks for coming,have a good time’ and move on.
tell her that she can invite about 50 above and beyond your list and your fiances list then you get lots of gifts and dont have a huge number of strangers to deal with ask her to keep it to people that you know because you were hoping for a more intimit wedding. just because she is paying does not mean that she does not need to take your wants into consideration
Since money is no object to you, simple sit down and tell your mom what you want. While they are paying, and that is a very nice gift, it is your wedding…not hers.
Some options:
Give her a limit of how many people she can invite
Sit down with her and go through her list. Give her approval of each and every name
Simply giver her a number to fill
Good luck and congrats!
Tell her as much as you would lvoe everyone to share your day a big wedding will be so busy and you want a nice day you will enjoy and remember! 100 guests or so would be perfect!
this is tough. maybe try to make it clear that you would like it to be small (possibly remind your mom that big weddings have so many people to greet. you’d have no time to enjoy yourself, your friends, & your new husband) & that you do not want to make your fiance’s fam feel like they’re crashing your mom’s party.
if they all do have to come, think about having a picnic or something the day before or after the wedding. my bf’s sister just did this: had the rehearsal thurs, picnic with the fam members who came in from out of town fri, wed sat, then brunch sunday. then you may be able to have more quality time with those closest to you.
good luck!
OK try this. Mom I know you are so excited I am finally getting married and I am Glad you want to tell the world. I really like to have every one there to but, I really want to keep it to a smaller crowd so we can sit and talk to everyone and feel as though were on a time limit due to how many guest we have! I have narrowed down my list of guest and so has john family. We think that guest who should come are those we have seen more then once in the last year. Could you please look over your guest list and narrow it down a bit. I really like to be able to remember ever one by name so I don’t feel award on such a special day!
We can always send those not invited pictures or announcement after the wedding so they don’t feel left out on our celebration!
Just my thoughts though.
We broke ours into –
My family
His family
My friends
His friends
Mutual friends (more than you would think, since we worked together for three years so knew all the same people!)
Depending on hwat the parents are contributing, they should be able to invite friends accordingly. For example, if they’re paying a hefty part of the budget, they shoudl be free to invite who they like. I would however ask that you KNOW these guests, and that they’re not random friends from the golf course. Your day should be filled with people you know and who know you, not total strangers.
If you’re paying it all yourself, they shoudl ask your permission first. You don’t bring people to a party uninvited, especially if you’re not the host.
My husband and I have all family on our invite list than for everyone else if we have not spoken to them in two years they were not on our list. And be honest with your mother tell her you want to be surrounded with people who love you.
My girlfriend had a wedding several years ago and she had almost 300 guest that included friends, family, her parents friends their co workers, business contacts, and so on. She said it felt so weird she spent most of her wedding hugging and kissing people she never seen in her entire life.
So talk to your mom if this really bothers you