My husband’s daugher is getting married in two months’ time – we are both invited to the wedding but do you think it is appropriate I go, knowing his ex-wife will be there? I dont want to upset anyone by being there. I was thinking of attending the church ceremony with my husband, but not the reception and leave him with his family (meaning ex-wife’s family) i have never met the ex-wife. I feel she invited ‘us’ because if only he was invited without me, he wouldnt go. What’s the normal etiquette on such occasions? (The ex never remarried and I have never met the daughter as we live far away – we have been married 4 years) Advice please?
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Go to everything. It’ll be an opportunity to get to know his daughter. This is a time for family to get together, and you are part of the family now. If you don’t go, it could create some bad feelings for the bride, as though you don’t care enough to go..
If you were invited it obviously meant they (the daughter, or mother, or both) wanted you there. And they probably thought about all of the things you are worried about before sending the invite.
I would attend, just like any other guest that is invited. Not doing so might “rock the boat” more than avoiding the reception would, because they are all prepared to see you there, you don’t want to give off a bad impression and make the situation worse or something. You were invited, so they know you will be there and are obviously prepared to deal with the blended family issues.
Good Luck! And have fun (it is a wedding)!
Tough. This might be a good opportunity to meet your husband’s daughter. I think you should talk to your husband since he knows his ex-wife and her family and might have a better idea of how the “meeting” will go. If he thinks they are mature enough to put any hard feelings aside for the sake of the wedding, then go. If he thinks they will be nasty and start drama, then maybe you should stick with the idea of only going to the church. Either way, you were invited by the bride, which should be all that matters.
He is your husband and his family is now your family. If you were invited then go, enjoy yourself. Don’t pay attention to the ex wife, I promise she will be more involved in her daugther and the wedding going ons to worry about you being there.
Go, enjoy yourself and let them have their time as her parents also. From the sounds of it you can be mature and know how to handle it.
If I was in your shoes, I would go with my husband even though you have never met his daughter before. It would be good to go and meet everyone. you have been married to her father for 4 years, and if you don’t go they will wonder why you didn’t attend. It’s good to know about your husband’s first wife and family from experience. If his daughter sent you invitation you should go. It might be fun.
As far as I know, the only etiquette involved in a situation like this is that you were invited, so you are … you know, invited.
If you were invited, there’s no reason not to go, unless you really feel that your presence will cause unneeded stress or friction. If you’re not sure whether it will cause a problem, I think your idea to attend the wedding and not the reception is a good solution.
Go. Don’t be intimidated by the ex-wife. Who cares if she never remarried? I’m guessing your husband would not attend if he thought it would make you uncomfortable. It’s a wedding, nobody will give you any problems because they will be on their best behavior. It’s up to you but if you go to the wedding then you need to go to the reception. Enjoy yourself and meet your step-daughter and new son-in-law.
You are correct in that they could have just invited the father. And not knowing her, you don’t know her reasoning.
I see no reason for you not to go; you have been invited.
I suggest you go & be gracious. Allow your husband the freedom he will need & try not to feel slighted by him. You’re going into a difficult situation & I admire that.
I think that is pretty sad how YOu have never met anyone in his family but have been married for 4 years. I find that kinda disrespectful actually. If you married you have every right to go with your husband. obviously you have no relationship with them and at this point i don’t think it makes a difference about not upseting anyone.
You should definitely go. If you don’t show up it can come off as if you don’t care or you’re snooty. The fact the ex-wife has never married shouldn’t be important. Even though you have never met these people before they are still your family. Once you married your husband they became your extended family. Go have a good time and be yourself.
Good luck to you!
Unless you were the “other woman” who broke up their marriage, you have every right to attend a wedding that you were invited to. You aren’t responsible for their past lives.
However, if you are the other woman. You will be referred to as “that cheap slut” by all in attendance.
Definitely go. After all I’m sure that his daughter already talked this over with her Mother and got her opinion and probably her blessing to invite you. Go and meet your stepdaughter and greet her warmly and just be yourself and be polite. You will probably meet his ex just be nice. You sound very mature and sensible. I wouldn’t worry. Have fun!!
She is not just your husband’s daughter, or your husband’s ex-wife’s daughter… She is YOUR step daughter. There should be nothing wrong with you going. Besides, you should meet the family anyways. It is YOUR family.
you can go. She is your step daughter and she likes you so go. Be with your husband and support your step daughter. Have fun and just be nice to the family.
Talk to you Step-daughter and ask her what she thinks. Her mother may not mind if it was a mutual choice to divorce and your step daughter may really want you there. Leave it up to her.
If I was in your situation, I would not attend the reception but I would attend the ceremony. I think I would feel a bit awkward being there since you are his new wife.
I hope I helped. Good luck!
You better GO stand by your husbands side
and be as friendly as possible to anyone
whom approaches you!!
Stand and be proud girl!
What really matters is what your husband’s daughter wants. I assume she’ll want you there with her father (even just to meet you) and you should go.
Follow your instinct…
You were invited and you two have been married for four years. I think it’s safe to go. Maybe she actually invited you because she wants to meet her fathers wife. If you really feel uncomfortable call up his daughter. Tell her you are so happy she invited you and you’d love to come, but you just wanted to make sure it would not cause any problems if you attended. If she thinks it may cause controversy then you do exactly what you said and go to the church and don’t go to the reception. If she doesn’t think it will be a problem or also doesn’t really care if it’s a problem and really wants you there then go to the reception. By the way I think it’s great how mature you’re being about the whole thing.
Have you had any contact (phone, cards, anything? ) with the daughter?
Has her father?
May I suggest that you contact the daughter to congratulate her on her upcoming day and speak to her directly about the invite. How thrilled you are to have been invited. How excited you are at the opportunity to finally get to meet your husband’s “little girl”.
I would also make sure that her invite was genuine and tell her that you don’t want ANYTHING to get in the way of HER special day and if your attendance is going to put stress on her that you would love to acoompany the dad and celebrate her day…but you understand if she doesn’t want you there.
I think you should arrange to meet the daughter before (even if it is a day or two) the wedding. She will be preoccupied at the wedding and tensions may be high.
I would also ask the daughter’s permission(?) to contact the ex-wife to make sure she is comfortable with the arrangement since clearly she is the parent in the girl’s life and will be the one affected by your decision.
Unless you are the direct cause of the divorce: I cannot imagine her asking you to stay home.
I think that you are being gracious enough to consider bowing out says a world about your character….but I think going is going to be a great experience for all of you.
You are not a “new” wife (having been married 4 years). I’m sure it is well known that he is remarried, and just because you’ve never met this extended family doesn’t mean you should avoid them.
You are his wife, and unless there are horrible underlying circumstances (you were his mistress when they were still married or something) then there is no reason not to go. It’s not about you and honestly no one should care if you’re there. You are going to the wedding of your husband’s daughter which you were invited to.
Go with your husband, be polite and courteous, and embrace your step-daughter for the first time. If for some reason other family members are appalled by your presence (which would be sad and petty but possible) then politely excuse yourself early and relax at your hotel. No big deal! Just be the bigger person should anything happen, and find comfort knowing you’ll probably never see any of those people again.
If you’re okay with not going, find out what the bride would prefer and abide by her wishes. You might in fact call her and say, “Lisa, I am touched that you invited me to attend your wedding with your father, and I would be honored to come, but if you think it would cause a problem with your mother or take away any joy of your day, just tell me. I’ll step back if you think it would be a problem. I want you to be able to be real with me and I know it’s hard since we’ve never met. It’s one day of your life and I will attend or not at your pleasure.”
Again, it sounds like you’re okay with it and it would put you down as the coolest stepmom ever.
As far as your question, “Do you think it is appropriate I go?” Yes. You’ve been married four years. Hopefully her father was divorced for some time before that and if everyone is not over it by now, especially since you obviously have not been thrust upon them, it’s definitely not your problem.
So…if you have any feeling that the bride asked you only out of obligation and does not wish to meet you, and the ex wife will be upset with you there, and you’re cool with bowing out, you could volunteer the above and be the coolest stepmother ever.
But you could just as appropriately gratefully accept the invitation and be classy and unobtrusive no matter what happens and be an equally cool stepmom.
Go to both, be social and friendly.
My mom is always pissed off that my stepmom avoids her at all costs, such as not even coming to my high school graduation.
Obviously the daughter is at an age now when you probably have no role in raising her or whatever, but you can still go, meet her and maybe become friends. As long as you don’t act like a ‘trophy wife’ and are down to earth, I don’t think anyone would have a problem with you being there. If you find some hostility just stick close to the people who you are interacting well with. It’s just one night. It will say more about your character if you work through it than just walk away.